Rubber Lizards, Armpit-Smelling, and Cookie Monster’s Butt

As one who loves words and enjoys stringing them together to create semblances of coherent thoughts, I am always on the hunt for sentences I like to characterize as “those that have never before been uttered.”

Of course, the very small logical part of my brain accedes that the chances of a sentence never before having been uttered are rather slim, but the sporty English teacher in me likes to entertain the possibilities.

And with that I present to you for your weekend entertainment fifteen sentences I have said over the last week-and-a-half I believe have never been spoken, written, or—dare I say—even thought of before.

You can correct me if I’m wrong . . . but I’ll need context.

Mother's Day PhotoFor me, of course, these are all responses to something one of my three children said or did.  I’ll let your imaginations fill in the rest.

Does anyone know why there is a rubber lizard in the toilet paper roll?

Your dirty socks should be nowhere near an open bag of potato chips.

No, you cannot have a plate of bugs and/or garbage for breakfast.

You do not need to be in college to put on your underwear.

Please take that cow off my head.

You are the stuffed bear’s father and your brother is its uncle, so please stop fighting.

Weeping because we’re not having Indian food for dinner seems unnecessary.

You are not going to self-destruct because I won’t buy you a corn muffin.

I can’t come in and smell your armpits; I’m in the middle of making tacos.

No, I did not go to college with Buddha.

Get out of the bathroom with that pizza.

Yes, I’m sure Cookie Monster does have a butt.

Can you tell me precisely when there was a chicken running through our house?

Squidward and Buddha are not a married couple.

Do you keep a steady supply of snakes just to torture me?

Have a great weekend!



3 thoughts on “Rubber Lizards, Armpit-Smelling, and Cookie Monster’s Butt

  1. Do continue to add to the list–this has such potential, even without the imagination of fiction!

  2. Very funny and amusing. Your sense of humor shines! I can only imagine all the previous sentences that you came up with before you wrote these down…could be an interesting book.

I would love to hear your thoughts . . .

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